FayeParticipantOctober 11, 2017 at 2:42 pmPost count: 6
Hello I am new and very lost. I have been trying to serve Jehovah since age 19 and I am 44 now. This is my third abusive marriage. Going to the hall causes me severe PTSD. I have no one to trust. No family, no friends. My husband is a Narcissistic abuser who uses mental, emotional , psychological and verbal abuse among other types. I have been in a state of nervous breakdown since a year ago in which I also stopped going to meetings. Any time I ever tried to reach out for help in all 3 marriages it was all turned on me and I had to keep the abuse secret and make the marriage work. I think of suicide every day and I have become an alcoholic. To get help from the elders means all they will do is be worried about my drinking and instead of helping me, they most likely will Df me because I actually do not know how to quit drinking. Ive never had a drinking problem before till now. I have many serious chronic health conditions as well. I have seen for a long time the problems in the faith but I see the problems with everyone and everything in the world and feel there is no point in living because all belief systems fail to be enough for me and they are all highly flawed. Everything is so tainted.Frank CongerParticipantOctober 11, 2017 at 4:28 pmPost count: 68
If you are looking for a place where you can seek out spiritual and personal friendships you have found as good a place as any. The men and women on this sight are very caring individuals with only a few exceptions and you should be able to find comfort for your soul. However, if your initial statement is anywhere near accurate of your true inner feelings about yourself and your life, you are in desperate need of professional help. You speak about thinking about suicide every day and if that is an accurate portrayal (and I have no reason to doubt that it is not) then you need to call out for help with a mental health professional or professionals. In addition to your mental ill health you are also battling with alcohol dependency which will only magnify other maladies. If you are not currently under the influence of alcohol drive yourself. If you have been drinking call a friend or relative that you trust and have them take you to a mental health facility and sign yourself in under a voluntary commitment. If that is not an option, call an ambulance and have them take you. What you describe is a very serious situation and you should not put off seeking professional care any longer. They will be able to deal both with your depressive symptoms and your alcohol dependence at the same time and after inpatient treatment can refer you to outpatient help on follow up of the inpatient care. I am an experienced psychiatric RN and you need professional help now. Don’t put this off till tomorrow. And don’t involve the Kingdom Hall if you can help it. The brothers there even if they are well meaning are not trained to give you the care that you clearly need. Get professional help now!
FrankRobert KingKeymasterOctober 11, 2017 at 5:29 pmPost count: 34
Frank is right, Faye. Elders are not qualified to help in these areas. Try and find some professionals to help you.
The only thing I feel qualified to add, is that you should not feel guilty. It happens over and over and over again, that the abused feel guilty for being abused. You should not feel guilt for not subjecting yourself to the trauma of going to the kingdom hall. Jehovah knows your plight. He doesn’t condemn you. Do you believe that?FayeParticipantOctober 11, 2017 at 5:32 pmPost count: 6
Frank thank you for your concern but I am not in distress at this time concerning alcohol or suicide . I am here for support for the reasons I drink which are abuse and the issues in my religion as a inactive JW who has left two times before and reinstated two times for the same underlying issues (abuse and how it is handled by elders causing me intense panic when seeing JW’s or going to the hall). I am not currently drinking. I live in a small community where there is no help for me and the situation is one I have looked into many times. I feel that if I can find a reason to live and if I can form friendships where I am not muzzled about the truths I see or have been through in life, if I can find a purpose or understanding of why Jehovah is so confusing to me more than ever even though I know my bible well, the drinking will be easy to quit. I have tried every belief system and whenever I am trying for one, well I have more power to control anything I need to work on in my life. Without hope their is no will. I am not planning to kill myself I regret writing about the alcohol and not wanting to live as it over shadows my reason for being here an makes me want to flee this place. I have to admit though that the information and videos thus far have made a lot of sense especially “The Eye Of Horus” Video as this has disturbed me for some time. I am hoping we can move past the focus on how I live my life in which i do not get drunk i just am dependent on alcohol to cope until I come to terms with the question “What Am I going to do with my life now that I am AWAKE?” I sincerely hope I do not come off rude. I have been through things no one would believe and those things have made me oh so very tired.FayeParticipantOctober 11, 2017 at 5:41 pmPost count: 6
Robert; I don’t know anymore. Maybe Jehovah condemns me and maybe he does not but I have so many unanswered questions now about the bible and our beliefs that I feel as lost as I did when I first found the so called truth. I was reinstated about two and a half years ago and a year ago stopped going to the meetings. My 19 year old only daughter moved out to live with a JW family and she is getting baptized by the end of this month. I have not been contacting her because I do not want to sway her decision either way as she too had left the faith right after I was reinstated. She went to another religion where they too are corrupt and now she will be baptized any day as a Witness while I wonder what I will now do. Just rambling here lol..Frank CongerParticipantOctober 11, 2017 at 6:08 pmPost count: 68
Hi Faye: You are not being rude and even if you were I would not take offense. That said, many people find comfort and solace in speaking with someone who shows empathy and concern instead of judgment and ridicule like you have experienced in the past. Time spent with a qualified counselor would not hurt you in any way and may help. I hope you find the companionship that you seek here, but it is still my opinion that you should seek qualified help. You have been emotionally abused for some time now and that takes a toll on even the strongest person. I wish you well in whatever you decide. It is not defeat to seek help when it is needed. You will find compassionate people on this website though. I hope that is enough. Robert is correct. You have little of no reason to blame yourself. It is often the tendency for the abused to feel this way and abusers will agree with your assessment, but do not blame yourself for someone else’s wrongdoing.
FrankSongofHannahKeymasterOctober 11, 2017 at 7:25 pmPost count: 69
Faye Welcome! So glad you posted.
Dunno if it will help at all telling my story, Back in 2016 I came to the end of my rope. Being a true believer for most of my life, I came to the sudden realization that much of what I believed was not really true. I was wrenching in the throws of spiritual death. It was the greatest emotional pain I’d ever experienced – worst than losing a loved one. It was mourning the death of God.
But I decided to give God one more chance. So I put away everything I had ever learned, and started reading just the Bible, praying for Holy Spirit. And Jehovah most lovingly provided. I saw scripture from a totally new light – completely anew!
I don’t know if my experience will help at all, or if you’ve even tried this as well. But my experience was very positive, so I wanted to share it for what it was worth.
HannahSongofHannahKeymasterOctober 12, 2017 at 8:07 amPost count: 69Burt Reynolds.ParticipantOctober 16, 2017 at 3:13 pmPost count: 16
Hello Faye, There are many things that you can do to improve your situation. However, first you need to decide which is your priority and what you want to achieve first.
As far as Jehovah is concerned. There are two issues to bear in mind. 1/ Jehovah loves you and does not condemn you. It is man that has made you feel this way and your response is very understandable. Don’t worry about the past. It’s better to think now of how to find your happiness again. 2/ You no longer need to feel this way. There is a way out.
You require practical help at this stage and professional support. What country do you live in? Do you wish for such help or are you at this time, looking for scriptural reasoning and insight?
If you are looking for scriptural reasoning, then that is available to you here, freely and in abundance. You can come to understand the God of the bible without any pressure whatsoever and what you will be told will be true and biblical.
Clearly you have a lot of issues to unwind. Have a think about what you want to deal with first. And remember: when you don’t know what to do, do nothing. It’s safer that way, – but that is only my maxim, but you might find it useful at this time.
If you wish to reply, you are welcome.
Best wishes, Burt.FayeParticipantOctober 17, 2017 at 2:09 pmPost count: 6FayeParticipantOctober 17, 2017 at 2:11 pmPost count: 6
Hanna how did Jehovah direct you? What have you come to believe and see now? What is the truth about God and how do you now worship him? Who are his true people?
I wrote way more to you but two times it disappeared saying this site is unsafe and trying to hack me
FayeParticipantOctober 17, 2017 at 2:14 pmPost count: 6SongofHannahKeymasterOctober 18, 2017 at 7:06 amPost count: 69
- This reply was modified 1 day, 15 hours ago by Faye.
Hi Faye! Much of what you asked me I would love to share with you! But on this forum it’s just a bit too big a spotlite to talk about myself. lol. So I contacted you privately. Look forward to getting to know you better! Also you are welcome to contact me directly…
- This reply was modified 13 hours, 23 minutes ago by SongofHannah. Reason: Email removed
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